Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
