dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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