i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
