Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
