he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
