Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
