Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
