I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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