Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
