Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
