Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
