i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
