Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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