what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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