my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
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