Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
