I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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