she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
