the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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