i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Randomize
