Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
