He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
