Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize