Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
