After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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