what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
