I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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