Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
