peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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