Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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