I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
