I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
