Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
