The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
