i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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