my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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