The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
