Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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