my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
