So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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