your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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