So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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