Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
