Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
