She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
