i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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