ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
