I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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