You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
