I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Two words: nipple clamps
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