stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
